My colonoscopy wasn’t too hideous

 

I had my first colonoscopy two weeks ago.  In the months leading up to the procedure I was nervous.  I’d heard that the cleanse, which takes place the day before the test, would be awful.  I was told I’d have to consume a liquid that tastes like salty gatorade and I’d be glued to the toilet for hours with the trots.  

 

Nausea, cramps, a sore bum and hunger were also mentioned as side benefits of the prep experience.  And if all of that doesn’t make you want to run to make an appointment with your local gastroenterologist, you get to repeat the same cleansing procedure in the middle of the night…just in case the first attempt missed anything.

 

The Results Are In

 

I got the results of my test eight days after the procedure.  In all, I had three polyps removed.  Two were benign but a third was cancerous.  The cancerous polyp was small and the doctor was able to remove it cleanly.  The only side effect for me is that I’ll need to have another colonoscopy in five years instead of the normal ten years for patients who don’t have cancerous polyps.

 

The colonoscopy was originally scheduled for August.  As the date approached I studied the odds of having colon cancer, the false positive rate of the at home Cologuard test and the fact that I have no history of colon cancer in my family.  Armed with this information, I figured the likelihood of having cancer was minimal so I canceled my appointment.

 

The second reason for blowing off the test was that I didn’t want to drink the fluid that cleans out your insides.  Everyone talks about how bad it tastes, how much you have to drink and the amount of time you’ll be sitting on the pot.  I dreaded the cleansing process.

 

Change of Heart

 

I had a change of heart after I discovered on that there are pills you can take instead of drinking the liquid.  They’re called Sutab.  I discovered this option on YouTube of all places.  If you go the Sutab route you take twelve tablets in twenty minutes, drink 32 ounces of water within a half hour, sit back and let nature take its course.  I asked my doctor about this option and he said the pill was ok with him so I rescheduled my exam.

 

Cleanse day wasn’t bad.  I was done with my first cleanse in 90-minutes and had the rest of the night to myself.  No mad dashes for the toilet but I did develop a sudden craving for Jell-o.  The second cleanse began at 2:00 am and was equally easy.

 

But then the munchies hit.  By about 4:00 am I wanted to quit the entire process and eat something…anything…to take the hunger pangs away.  But let’s face it, I was within five hours of having the procedure completed. I figured if I was going to screw it up, do it the right way and have a steak. Don’t blow it on saltine crackers.

 

What Would You Do If You Had Cancer?

 

I’ve never given cancer much thought.  To the extent that I had given cancer any consideration, I envisioned myself like someone under a blanket with a big spider creeping toward them yelling, “Get it off of me.  Get it off.”

 

I got my results eight days after the procedure.  Reading it the first time is still a bit of a blur.  “….a total of three polyps were removed….the third was found to contain cancer cells…it was removed without difficulty…you do not have cancer….we recommend that you have another colonoscopy in five years.”

 

That’s all I remember.  There was no “get it off” moment.  I was glad that I decided to go through with the procedure and not give into temptation and gorge myself with saltine crackers.

 

My colonoscopy journey really wasn’t a journey.  From the time I was told that I should have the test done to completion was just a few months.  

 

During that time I heard from a number of people.  A vast majority told me it was no big deal, it doesn’t hurt, you don’t remember anything and the worst part is the prep.  Of course, I was skeptical.

 

There were a few who told me they’ve never had a colonoscopy because they are afraid and the last thing they wanted was something stuck up inside them.

 

To those of you who are of age and on the fence about getting a colonoscopy I can tell you from experience, it’s not a big deal.  The cleansing process is annoying but it only lasts a few hours.  Yes, you’re going to be hungry and yes you’re probably going to be nervous the day of the procedure.  This is where the anesthesiologist becomes your best friend.  I asked mine to knock me out before the doctor entered the room.  “No problem, I can do that,” she said.

 

Colon cancer is among the easiest forms to cure if you catch it early.  If your family has a history of colon cancer, take the test.  If the Cologuard test indicates that you should take the test, take the test.  

 

Reports of the hideousness of the colonoscopy process are greatly exaggerated.

 

Happy pooping.